Berlingske Tidende chapter 1 translation

Photo © Steen Brogaard/ © Berlingske Tidende

Chapter one

”We start the day by making oatmeal”

by Berlingske Tidende's Karen Margrethe Schelin

Translation of the first chapter of the interview with Frederik and Mary by Berlingske Tidende's Karen Margrethe Schelin.

Kronprinsparret - kapitel 1: »Vi begynder dagen med at lave havregrød« (Crown Prince Couple - chapter 1: ”We start the day by making oatmeal”)

For the first time the Crown Prince Couple talk about the joys and the challenges of having become a family in two chapters. In this first chapter, they talk about their view on bringing up children and on the love they have for each other and the kids. [They also talk] about not fussing exessively about their children, about showing their feelings [emotion] in public and about how hard it can be when the press gets too close.

The fire is crackling in the fireplace when we enter the Crown Prince Couple’s cosy living room in the Chancellery House at Fredensborg Palace. Two big Christmas stockings with “Isabella” and “Christian” embroidered on them are lying over the armrest of the sofa. A simple row of string lights is glistening in the magnolia tree outside the windows.

Crown Prince Frederik puts another log on the fire and nods to ensure the comfort of the guest [ie: the journalist] and makes himself comfortable on the sofa next to Crown Princess Mary. They are both dressed in casual clothes. The Crown Prince is in worn jeans and a big sweater and the Crown Princess is in fitted jeans and a small checked woollen jacket.

A generous dish with biscuits and two jugs filled respectively with coffee and green tea stand on the square table between us. The mugs are Mega Mussel from Royal Copenhagen. It is the first time the Crown Prince Couple has invited the press into their home.

In one of the corners, behind the long table with tall-backed chairs, lies a big pile of toys. The living room is decorated with modern, comfortable furniture with room for playing, family time and being together with friends. This is where the Crown Prince Couple relax at night after the kids have been put to sleep and they can “drink a glass of red wine and look each other in the eyes”.

Through the white-framed windows and the double doors, the garden with the naked winter trees can be seen. Two prams are standing under one of them. One of them is an older model. The pram belonged to Queen Ingrid, who used it for her oldest daughter. Queen Margrethe found her old pram by coincidence in a storage room at Fredensborg, and in the spring she had it restored and gave it to the Crown Prince Couple.

“My mother did not use it for either my brother or me when we were young, so it has skipped a generation. But the Queen thought it would be fun to have it restored. She was very proud and happy when she came and gave it to us. We use it for Christian now for when he has to have a nap because it is bigger than an ordinary pram,” says Crown Prince Frederik. [It is customary for Danish babies to have a daily nap outdoors, even in cold weather.]

Princess Isabella is also napping while the interview with Berlingske is happening. The now eight month old princess lies in her own pram, which stands close to her brother’s under the tree in the back garden of the Chancellery House.

The Crown Prince Couple don't hide the fact that it has been a radical change for them to become a small family. There is a lot that has happened since the wedding in Copenhagen’s Cathedral in May 2004. But they seem to have found a good rhythm, and the Crown Prince Couple are obviously enjoying being a family with young children. And this is so even if it sometimes ruins their sleep at night.

The Crown Prince: “Both kids are with us at night. Christian doesn’t sleep in our bedroom anymore, but he did until he was about 10 months old which was as long as he was deeply reliant on his mum [being breastfed]. He has his own room now and Isabella is of course still sleeping with us. We still have contact with Christian at night via his baby alarm, so if he has bad dreams or something else, then we can go to his room quickly. Everything has happened so quickly. One should keep a diary as there is so much happening with the little ones. Of course, we take photos of them every now and then and we also videotape them sometimes. We must try to get it organized in some way.”

Crown Prince Frederik adds that for him the word “massive” pretty much sums up having started a family.

“It is both a massive life change and also definitely physically demanding, affecting everything in our life. It forces one to become more organised and it is both pleasurable and momentous. With our lives the way they are, rather irregular, with other things constantly pushing into our everyday lives, we don’t really have a permanent daily routine from eight in the morning until six in the evening. Our work comes in doses and it comes at any time.

The Crown Princess: “Time becomes more valuable when you have children. There is a new dynamic involved and that is very demanding. One has to find a new balance, or re-balance, to make everything work as it did before. On the other hand, we have more flexibility in our everyday life than most other people, and we also get good help and support every day from our staff members. For example, we don’t have to wash the floor ourselves or go to the supermarket to shop.”

The Crown Prince Couple say that both of their children have been good at sleeping all night through. However, there have been some problems with Princess Isabella during the last few weeks. In the Crown Princess’ own words, there’s been a bit of a hick up in the usual sleeping pattern.

“Perhaps there are teeth on the way or maybe she is just growing. Overall, Isabella is much more temperamental than Christian. He was an extraordinarily calm and mild baby. Isabella can be really happy and then she can [suddenly] be really angry. But the kids are two different genders. I have heard from my girl friends, that girls are often more hot-tempered than boys as babies. But apart from that, she is very calm and when she smiles, you are helpless…”

The Crown Prince: “No, then you are just sticks of liquorice.” [Danish expression meaning like putty]

In spite of a busy everyday life, the Crown Prince Couple make a priority of being with their children. They want to at least “turn them on and close them down”, as Crown Prince Frederik says it. [another expression meaning be there first thing in the morning and last thing at night]

The Crown Prince: “The morning ritual consists of one of us getting Christian up, quickly change him and put him down in his pyjamas. Then we go out into the kitchen to make “oat-food”, which Christian calls it. It is, of course, good traditional oatmeal. That keeps one going very well.”

The Crown Princess: “When we have made the oatmeal, we all sit around the dining table. Isabella also, as she is big enough to sit in her high chair now. She also gets some oatmeal and then we talk and eat, and Ziggy* (the Crown Prince Couple’s dog) runs in and out. It is really cosy. When Christian is finished eating, he plays and has some fun with Ziggy before he needs to get dressed and go to the nursery.”
* Ziggy is a female

Q: Do you take Prince Christian to the nursery yourselves?

The Crown Prince: “We take him there and pick him up from there as much as possible. And it is not something you have to exert yourself to do. It is so natural and lovely, and he likes it when we take him there. All together, he is very happy to be in the nursery. When the weather allows it, I take him there in the “Christiania”-bike but it is a little too cold right now, and he doesn’t want to wear his mittens. There are just those contrary times when one doesn’t want to wear mittens and elephant hat, and then you can’t do anything…But it is then we take him there in the car.”

The Crown Princess: “But it is mostly you, as we have Isabella as well now, so we share it between us.”

Q: Can you avoid prying looks from the other kids and parents in the nursery?

The Crown Prince: “I think it’s very relaxed. It is kind of a fast package delivery central for parents, and the more they see us, the more we blend into the picture. And as you say good morning and say a quick hello to each other, that quickly breaks the ice. There is not an avenue of flags every day!”

Q: Will Isabella attend the same nursery?

The Crown Prince: “We have signed her up there, so we will have to see at that time if it fits her development and her personality. But it is always a good thing to be prepared.” Prince Christian is good at speaking and he can also say a few English words, says the Crown Princess: “We speak Danish with him most of the time. But Christian learns more and more English. He also gets it from my family and my friends and he can say both “grandad” [for John Donaldson] and “grandpapa” [for Prince Hnerik] and “farmor” [Queen Margrethe - literally 'father's mother' for paternal grandparent]. He has it all under control and he is indeed very good at speaking. He talks very clearly and says real sentences, so he is well on his way, I would say.”

The Crown Prince: “Yes, he runs around and is not afraid to test himself. He also has a big vocabulary, and he can come up with some phrases where we are left thinking: 'Where does he get this?' The teachers from the nursery have also confirmed this. He is not just repeating things like a parrot, but seems to consider what he is saying.”

The Crown Princess: “Christian is also very good at reading body language and facial expressions, and maybe that’s because of the fact that he meets so many different people in the house every day, he gets so many impressions from all kinds of people whom he meets during the day.”

The Crown Prince: “Yes, the members of our staff can’t help but talk to him, so he has to answer all kinds of questions and relate to many things. Sometimes, he goes into their office to fiddle with things, disturb their work or make some trouble – for example, paint on the big whiteboard with our calendar. But I think he has been told to draw in one specific spot on the whiteboard now.”

Q: How did the Crown Prince Couple prepare before becoming parents? Did you read Jesper Juul’s Dit kompetente barn (The Capable Child) or any other books about becoming parens?

The Crown Princess: “One can read a whole lot about it, but can never know how it will turn out in reality. We did read different books but I think the most important thing was family and friends, who we could ask for advice. To me, my sisters were a big help, especially during the first months after we had Christian. It was just to be able to call and ask a question if something happened.”

The Crown Prince: “I also asked my brother about what he had done with his two lads * – especially the first time. I wouldn’t say that one copies just anything, but it is good to gather some inspiration from different sides and then say to youself: 'We are the way we are, and we are not a copy of other parents.' One can’t copy others 100 percent.”
* Frederik's word in Danish demonstrates a kind of rollicking (boys?) relationship with his nephews

The Crown Princess: “Yes, that is very important, because what works for us and our everyday life is not necessarily the same as what works for others. All families are different. But the routines are important to us. It gives us a good feeling that the children follow their routines regardless of whether we are with them or if they are taken care of by the nanny. Of course it is only me who can take care of the breast feeding. But the kids and the nannies know when they have to sleep and eat and that gives you a confident feeling when you are away from them.”

The Crown Prince: “It works well, I think, and already from back when the kids were newborn, Mary and I have actually had our evenings together, so that we were able to sit down, have a glass of wine and look each other in the eyes and say: “Whew, we have made it this far!”

Q: Does the Crown Prince remember routines from your own childhood?

“Ooh, that is a question of how far back, one can remember. But yes, we actually did. Partly, it is that my brother and I were almost raised like twins. There’s exactly twelve months between us. We also had a permanent nanny with whom we spent a lot of time. Mostly there were of course the routines concerning mealtimes and later on homework, when that time came.”

Q: But you and Prince Joachim did not spend a lot of time with your parents in your everyday life?

“The time was different back then. My parents had children quite soon after they had married, and two different cultures had to work together [Danish-French]. And then one shouldn’t forget the fact that my mother became queen when she was only 32 years old and had a big challenge before her to fulfill her new role as monarch.”

“I remember when I turned 32, I though': 'Oh my, if I suddenly had to go through what my mother went through back then!' But then I can also remember that many, many years ago, I decided that when my time came, it was to be a journey with the children as well, as much as it might be possible. I have always been convinced of that. I was anxious to see if those earlier thoughts would become reality, and they have, I can say.”

Crown Princess Mary adds that she thinks it’s a shame that there’s the perception that Crown Prince Frederik and Prince Joachim didn’t have enough time together with the Queen and the Prince Consort during their upbringing.

“When I think of the memories, you have shared with me about your mother and father and the funny and good stories I hear from your family about the time when you were kids, I get the impression that you spent more time together than most people think. I think there’s been way too much focus on the fact that you didn’t eat your meals together when you were very young. That doesn’t mean that you didn’t spend time together during the day.”

The Crown Prince: “You are right. I will never forget the indignation which my brother and I caused – I think it was in connection with my mother’s 50th birthday – when we told how we had our first meal together with our parents by the time we were four years old. But we only told the anecdote because it felt very natural to us. If it had been a bad experience for us, we would probably not have mentioned it. So to us, it wasn’t as bad as it might sound to other people.”

The Crown Prince Couple say that they agree “surprisingly” well on how to bring up their children.

The Crown Princess: “One would think that we might have had different outlooks, as I come from Australia and Frederik comes from Denmark, and at the same time, we have very different family backgrounds. But we are much alike when it comes to the specifics of the children's upbringing. We agree about how we should take care of the children and make sure that they are well, and that shows that we have had some of the same basic values during our own upbringings.”

“Actually, I think we agree surprisingly well. And the part about having the children sleeping in the bedroom has been the right way for both of us. And then I must say that we have been very lucky, as both of our children have been very good at sleeping. If not, it would have been a lot harder, and then we would have had to make more use of the wonderful nannies we have who help us.”

Q: Which values would you like to pass on to your children?

The Crown Prince: “They will always have a safe harbour. That’s also how I remember my own childhood.”

The Crown Princess: “I think we agree when it comes to the major basic outlines. I grew up in a safe and loving home as well, and we would like to pass that on to our children. If you speak about the details, it is a bit harder as the children are still so young. Both of us take things as they come. In my family, they were also very consistent, and that is something, you Frederik, talk a lot about too and I agree with you about that.”

The Crown Prince: “We try to do as much as possible with the children in the morning and in the evening. One can say that we turn them on and close them down, and that is very special. The guiding line is the continuity, but one shouldn’t forget the most important thing – the love for them. One can pour one’s love into them. I remember that it was a great experience for me when that little boy there – Christian – threw his arms around my neck. 'No, that’s not happening,' I thought. It is so momentous. And I see this as a result of the fact that we have spent so much time with him from the beginning. It is always so exciting to be with your little child.”

“But the fact that he could, at six months, show his love in this way…this is all the more a sign that one is never to sacrifice this. And this is even though we know that we usually have some pretty tight schedules. But then again, you can concentrate 100 per cent on your children when you’re with them, and I consider his reaction a sign of the fact that he feels safe.”

The Crown Princess: “We can also see it in the way Christian enters a room filled with grown up people. He is completely calm. He actually seems to feel good in situations one might think could seem a bit overwhelming to a child. He seems to feel very safe and happy.”

The Crown Prince: “Yes, we experienced that at Isabella’s christening, where we had an outdoor lunch arrangement. Christian just walked around on his own between the different tables and talked to people. We don’t fuss over him. Of course that doesn’t mean that one should have one’s back to him and let him wander off on his own. But he should be allowed to test himself and he might get a few bruises so to speak, but one should be careful not to overprotect him. He is not supposed to put his hand on a hotplate, but it is not a problem if he gets a bit too close to the fireplace and senses that there is a source of heat which he should stay away from.”

The Crown Princess: “Perhaps his mum is a bit more fussy… but Christian has a good level of confidence and that is very important. Right now, it is very important to give love and protection and enjoy Christian. At the same time, this is also the time to begin to be a bit more consistent. He can’t get exactly what he wants whenever he wants it.”

Q: Is there one who is strict and one who is the opposite, when it comes to the upbringing?

The Crown Prince: “No, and that could easily sound like one of us is the tough one, whichever of us it might be, and I don’t think that’s the case. Whoever is the one of us who is the closest to him takes over right there and then. It is not a science. It is just something you do.”

The Crown Princess: “It is also important that the children get the same message and the same ground rules from both of us. They aren’t treated in one way by one of us and in another way by the other. We have to stand together as a team. That will be even more important when they get older, but there’s no reason why we can’t practice a bit…”

Q: As a family with young children, it can often be hard to find time for each other as a couple. Is it hard for you too?

The Crown Prince: “Yes, but I think you just have to be patient. With Christian, we put ourselves into it with 100 percent, and then I thought that with the second, it wouldn’t be as if you were landing on the moon. It might be 50 per cent more. But that is not so. It is more like double and that is perfectly fine. You can be tired and have less energy [feel drained] when you have put the kids to sleep at night, and then we sit in the same spot as where we are sitting right now. But patience has to win out in that situation and then later on [when the children are older], a lot of time will come back to you. One has to look forward and try to find small oases or small deserted islands with palm trees, where one can lie down in the shade and relax – metaphorically speaking. And you are there too, Mary! But of course you can’t improvise in the same way as you could before you had the children.”

The Crown Princess: “It is also hard to be away from the children, so when you have some spare time, you would like to spend it with them. It’s not as if you lose each other just because you’re with the children. It is just another way to spend the time together, and that is one of the best parts.”

“Of course, we sometimes have a busy schedule all day and perhaps have to go out at night too. But two days later, we have a little more time off where one can go for a run with the children, ride horses or just have a lovely dinner at home and watch a movie.”

Q: What has it meant to the Crown Prince to become a father?

“You find some hidden sides of yourself, right? Only it is for the better, if you ask me. First and foremost, you are excited by the joy of expectation. How will you react? It is all of the intense feelings one experiences of love for the small creations which we have made. Perhaps some men find it hard to accept those feelings, but I don’t feel that. I think it is fantastic to experience the overwhelming feelings. It is so overwhelming.”

Q: The Crown Prince even has a reputation of being a soft man?
“Yes, and then some say that you’re not a man of the time or that you are a man of the time. I can’t figure out which one is popular right now. Perhaps one can say that I am me of the time. And then you can be happy about the fact that it obviously evokes a certain sympathy in the public. Therefore, I am not bothered to shed a tear in public places in connection with big family events.”

Q: This thing about being very emotional, when did that happen to you for the first time?

“When we were getting married. At that time, it was very, very hard to keep the emotions hidden and then I though to myself: 'Whatever'. I have something special about churches. The sound in a church is very sacred, as it is called in the technical way. That elevated feeling and the organ music. Some people find the sound bleak, but it hits me deep inside in a good way. And I felt this at the three or four rehearsals we had in the cathedral before our wedding. I didn’t consider it as something wrong when I became emotional. It was amazing. I remember and enjoyed every second in the church.”

Q: Were you able to keep your mind off the media circus which your wedding set off?

The Crown Prince: “I believe I did, yes. And you can track that all the way to where we sit today. I constantly kept it in my mind, that I couldn’t let it overshadow the fantastic joy and happiness it was, to say our yes there in the church both in private and in public. The public part was the fact that the whole world was watching. The private was the fact that two persons were standing alone in front of the altar, who knew that they loved and love each other and were happy about this.”

“To us, it was about making the moment a private moment. For me, it can lead to the fact that whether the church was filled or if there was only a single witness in the back row, the moment was still as special as it was. The most important thing about those seconds were to remember what going up to the altar means. That it is not just about a bride dressed in white, who looks perfect, but it is about what happens inside the heart.”

Q: What thoughts does the Crown Prince Couple have on the kids’ future in light of the enormous attention from the media?

The Crown Prince: “We really appreciate the involvement [interest] the public has for our family. At different times, we are often asked if our children can join us, and the other day Christian attended a smaller formal event. I can see from my own past that it is good to bring the children into it, as the earlier we do it in a calm way, the better they can handle it later on.”

The Crown Princess: “We are very aware of the task it is to make them as prepared as possible so they can meet the challenges ahead, that we prepare them well so that they have the confidence it takes. And, as Frederik just said, that they come along sometimes and get a bit of experience. That way it is not something completely strange which they have to think about, but that they are slowly introduced to it from the beginning because it will be a big part of their lives.”

Q: Can that seem scary as parents?

The Crown Prince: “When I look back on my own youth, the media is much more comprehensive today, especially the electronic media. Everything is covered and it is spread around the whole world. Of course one can’t stop such a development, but one could wish that there was more consciousness and responsibility concerning the use of the media. That counts for every journalist and every man and women – for example, when it comes to photos taken with mobile phones.

The Crown Princess: “But one shouldn’t generalise as it only concerns very few people. Generally, the Danes are very happy to see their royal family walking down the street. And when we take a walk in the park in Fredensborg, we are seen as any other family. I feel the same way when I walk around in the city of Fredensborg. People say hello and nothing more than that. It happens rarely that you’re met with cameras from ordinary people. It is different at official engagements, but in general I think the Danes are good at respecting some distance.”

Q: How has the Crown Princess experienced the loss of your anonymity?

“It is hard to find the words for it, I think. It was a gradual transition, a process. But it really became clear to me when we had our first child, Christian. Suddenly, you are much more vulnerable. You always want to protect your children at any price, and I realised that there are some things just I can’t protect them against, and that they will always live with the pressure of being in the attention of the public. At times, it has seemed to be a very high price to pay but then I look at what I have gained and I wouldn’t want to trade. I look at my beloved husband and the children we have created together, the lovely country I live in every day now and which is my home and where my heart is. I feel very much at home here in Denmark. The more I have gotten to know Denmark and the Danes, the more I love it.”

“At times, it has been a high price to pay, but it is a cost for me compared to my role as crown princess. That’s where the attention comes into the picture. On the other hand, it puts me in a unique position when it comes to creating awareness for some important causes. I can help with making a difference, so in that way I am gratified by the attention. But when it hits at our privacy it can be hard, and I don’t think I will ever get used to that. I have never tried to be the centre of attention. I am a little shy. So yes, at times it has been a high price but I wouldn’t trade, and what I have now has made me the person I am today. And, I am incredibly happy for that.”

Q: How has the Crown Prince supported you in this process?

“Frederik has helped me a lot. He gives me the perspective it takes. And that comes from his experience because it has been a part of his whole life. That experience – and then just his love also - when there are some bad front pages in the weekly press for example. The fact that I know he is standing right behind me means a lot and that everything is going to be alright.”

Q: What does Your Royal Highness say to the Crown Princess?

“Try to skate over it!”

Q: Does the press respect the court’s request to protect your children?

The Crown Princess: “We think so, and we are very thankful for it, and we hope for it to continue. Frederik and Joachim have told me that they were allowed to do things, some which did not go well, without being judged in front of everybody. They were allowed to live their lives and try things out without being afraid of failure. We hope that the press will follow that policy with our children as well. When Christian began in the nursery we allowed the media to take pictures of him on the first day and then we asked the press to leave him alone after that, and they have. I am happy for that – especially when I take him there in training pants, straight from bed…”

Q: But it can’t be fun to wake up to different stories in the coloured press? Do you ever feel like talking back?

The Crown Princess: “Some days are more fun than others. But no, there’s no reason to talk back. If we had to comment on this article one day and that article the next day, we wouldn’t have time to do anything else.”

Q: Is it the same with a book like Ekstra Bladet’s “1015 København K” which is entirely based on anonymous sources?

The Crown Prince: “Yes, I have heard about it. We don’t want to comment on that book. I think it has lived its life. Generally, we have a good dialogue with the press in Denmark and we respect this relationship, even though there can be imbalance from time to time. It probably pains the Crown Princess more than me. Also, because the foreign press has a tendency to copy the bad press from here and refer to so-called royal experts and so on. But then we have to say to each other that fortunately we know where we have each other. And that’s what matters the most.”

The Crown Princess: “Yes, you can only try to get a laugh out of it, and as Frederik says, we know the way it is in our real world, how much we love each other and the lovely family we have created. We just have to look each other in the eyes and say: ‘That is not true!’ Fortunately, you see that around the country, shops won’t sell the magazines if they cross the line and you see book shops who won’t sell that book in their shop. They make up their own minds about this.”

The Crown Prince: “And then it is a good thing that lots of people love to comment on this and that these days. No matter if it is our family or politics, so we don’t have to spend our time on that. People are almost lining up to have a say. That is our liberty.”

The Christmas peace seems completely undisturbed in the home of the Crown Prince Couple, and as a guest, you feel unusually comforted in the kind atmosphere which dominates in the Chancellery House. Christmas will be celebrated in Århus at Marselisborg Palace together with the rest of the royal family, as tradition determines.

Q: Finally, we would like to hear how the Crown Princely Couple does the Christmas present race – Prince Christian must have reached the gift age?

The Crown Prince: “Yes, he believes that everything which has been wrapped is a gift for him. For the first two to three years of children’s lives, it is very inexpensive but then it gets very expensive!”

The Crown Princess: “Our approach is that Christian only gets a certain number of gifts so that he appreciates each and every one. We also experienced this approach at his birthday. He didn’t just pull the paper off and continue on to the next gift. He was happy and was interested in every gift. He didn’t get a lot. Right now he has his advent calendar which the Queen has embroidered and came over to give it to him herself. It hangs in our dining room and so he gets a little gift each morning. Just small things – some raisins or a little car.”

Q: Do the public send gifts for your children as well?

The Crown Princess: “Christian and Isabella have been endowed with a lot of good and child-friendly things. And we would also like to take the opportunity to say that we are very happy and thankful for the great support from the public and that so many people showing an interest in our lives. We get so many congratulations from children, young people and older people. It is something we appreciate a lot.”

Crown Princess Mary slips out of the room for a few minutes and when she returns, she has Princess Isabella in her arms. The little princess is dressed in tights with a teddy bear on her behind and a matching dress in rose coloured baby velvet. On her feet she has small socks knitted from musk ox wool. She has inherited them from her big brother and “they will soon be too small”. She “talks” brightly and looks curiously at Berlingske’s reporter.

After a few minutes of talking in "baby language" the Crown Princess passes her little girl to me as any other proud mother would.

“She is so straight and fine,” I say.

The Crown Prince: “Yes, just like her mother.”

The end of chapter 1

go to chapter 2 (thanks Muhler!)

A great big thanks to ambiDK for translation of this (long!) part of the interview, and at Christmas time too! For non-Danish speakers, there is a formal and an informal "you" in Danish which is lost in English. Royals are referred to and addressed with the formal "you" which explains some of the circuitous language in English

interview links post